


Galaxies: Brutal Lessons

by Axo_L



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, Cuckquean (kind of), Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Academy (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Bad at Feelings, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Old Friends, POV First Person, POV Kylo Ren, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Kylo Ren, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:20:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axo_L/pseuds/Axo_L
Summary: “Ren, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry how we left things. It wasn’t how we should have left them.” I stepped towards him, also placing my helmet on the desk.He towered over me and his expression turned to pain. He looked disappointed.“What did I do wrong?” He said, his voice straining.You have an unexpected rekindling of your relationship with the infamous Ben Solo years after you left the Jedi Academy.Now, you don't know how to react when he wants to give you everything and more.Smut: Ch 1, 2, 3
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

_ downing, drowning, drowning _

_ goodbye, goodbye _

_ on the other side _

Junk. Hunger. Riches. Sacrifice.

These things ran through my head as I deeply kissed the most politically powerful man in the galaxy. My original intention was not to starve.

How did I get here?

I thought of simpler days. 

* * *

_10 years ago_

The lanterns shone softly as I quickly walked through the Jedi Academy grounds. My heart beat quickly— afraid that behind every corner was another person. 

Finally, my heartbeat slowed when I arrive at the hut. I knocked softly on the door. 

The door opened quietly and I slipped inside the hut, my eyes catching the single lantern lighting up the single, small room. I closed the door behind me carefully.

“Ben,” I say, with a huge grin on my face, “there was  _ nobody.  _ If I knew it was this easy to sneak around at night, I would have years ago. _ ” _

Ben grins back slightly and flops onto his bed, sitting with his back to the hut’s wall.

“I told you. I’ve done it for years and nobody’s noticed,” he stated proudly. 

I roll my eyes. I had always wondered how there seemed to be so much trouble happening on the grounds, without anyone knowing the perpetrator. 

“But I’m sure you’ve had close calls?” I ask him. He presses his lips into an indeterminate expression and shrugs. I smile wide again and sit on the bed next to him. 

“Don’t lie to me, I know you’ve almost been caught countless times,” I say to him as our arms lightly touch. 

“Sorry, I can’t incriminate myself,” he states, smirking slightly and looking away. 

I say nothing and look towards the floor. His hand lightly touches my leg. I feel my face flush with warmth. 

We had shared secret kisses and fleeting compliments, but this was different. There was nobody to interrupt, no secrets to hide. It was just us. 

We had been friends for what felt like countless years— but it was only as we matured that the friendship had seemed to turn into something else. 

Ben moved quickly and rotated his body towards me so that we were facing each other. For a brief few seconds, I looked at his face. His eyes were soft. 

He said nothing and softly kissed me. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. The kiss grew more passionate and then he suddenly broke away.

“You’re here because you want to be, right? This is okay?” He asked me with slightly concerned eyes. 

I nodded and smiled.

“Of course, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. Trust me, if I want to leave, I’ll let you know.” I said and laughed slightly towards the end of my sentence to ease his concern. 

“Okay,” Ben replied in a serious tone. He continued our passionate kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His kisses were gentle and slow. 

He placed a hand on my waist, then moved it up slowly towards my chest, touching my breast gently. I smirked through our kisses. 

Suddenly, he moved us to a lying position and moved over me as his kisses became more passionate. 

“ _ Hurry,”  _ I pulled away from him and said breathlessly. I trusted that he had successfully evaded being caught before— but felt like it was now or never. 

Without another word, Ben pulled off his own top and mine as well. I gasped slightly as he kissed my neck and grasped the bottom half of my robes, wiggling them off gradually.

I hardly noticed him doing the same to himself as he covered us with the warm blanket. 

He pulled away abruptly and gave me one last loving look before lifting my legs and placing himself between them. I felt him placed right at my entrance. 

My breath stopped slightly as he began to move closer. I touched his neck slightly as he let out a soft groan of pleasure. 

“...fuck,” he said as I felt him slowly fill me. Once inside, he kissed me gently and started to grind himself slowly. 

Our kisses were imprecise as he began to move and we both focused on the pleasure. His expression was a mixture of focus and elation.

He located his hands to my waist and held me firmly as he changed his position to begin moving in long strokes. 

I moaned softly as he thrust himself slowly into me with moderate strokes. 

“I wanted to fuck you so bad— I thought about your body every single night,” Ben said, moving faster. 

I touched his chest gently and smiled, his skin was warm to the touch. He breathed quickly as he began to thrust harder into me. 

I gasped when he suddenly, effortlessly picked me up and flipped me onto my stomach. It happened quickly, and I hardly noticed him lifting my hips to continue fucking me. 

He pulled me into his ideal position and pressed on my back, pushing me into the bed. 

He breathed heavily as he fucked me hard and fast. I clenched the sheets of the bed and buried my face in them as he firmly gripped my breasts and groped me.

I felt his left hand slowly make its way up to the front of my neck, wrapping his hands firmly around it. 

He pulled me back by my neck and tightened his grip, stopping my breath. I put my hand up to his hand, grabbing it. 

He thrust into me harder and groaned audibly. I gripped his hand on my neck harder as I tried to get air.

“ _ Ben—“ _ I managed to exhale. 

“ _ Just a little longer, you’re so tight right now—”  _ he muttered. My breath stopped but I felt a rising pleasure the longer he held my neck.

I climaxed as he also slowed his strokes gradually and pushed himself deep inside. I felt him twitch with pleasure and finish inside me. 

He released my neck and I breathed in a deep breath as I collapsed completely onto the pillow. I laid there— unsure how to feel about what happened. 

“I felt you when you finished too,” Ben said to me, “ _ fucking amazing.”  _ He said under his breath. 

We got ourselves together in silence and I pondered about what to say. The options ran through my head.

_ Do you even like me? Why did you choke me? What are we? Did you only want to fuck me?  _

Eventually, I decided on:

“You never really cared about me, did you?” I said, breaking the silence once we were both dressed and I stood in the middle of the room. 

Ben shot me a look. 

“What? What are you talking about? Of course I care about you,” he said, walking towards me and touching my hair gently, pushing it out of my face. 

“Well, I know I'm not your first and you already know what you like, but I still thought it would be special,” I said, disappointed. 

Ben frowned and bit the inside of his lip. 

“Maybe I did get a bit carried away,” he said, looking towards the ground. 

I looked at him, expecting an apology. It never came.

My chest swelled. I nodded at him.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow— you should get some rest.” He said, holding my hand. 

~

Tomorrow came, but our talk did not. Ben approached me with a twinkle in his eye that faded upon seeing my expression. 

I watched his face fill with hurt for a brief second and then watched him turn away. 

That night, I cried. Not because of sex or rejection. But because I had lost a friend. 

We had both begun our training at a young age and developed a bond around the playfulness that we had with each other. That playfulness turned into flirting, which turned into, obviously, a late-night visit.

I agreed to visit him in the evening once I realized that I had never trusted, or felt so close to anyone else before. It was a friendship that took years to build. 

I knew that he had also flirted with others, and we had even discussed our romantic relationships in our teens. 

Maybe we knew each other too well upon starting our relationship. 

But once it ended, I could feel that it hurt him just as much.

* * *

Our lives ended up going opposite directions, and later that year, when I was old enough to make my own decision on leaving, I decided to leave.

Not because of Ben, but because I didn’t feel a connection to the philosophy I was studying anymore. 

I could sense the Force strongly, but felt a disconnect to the Jedi practice. No philosophy felt right. 

Upon leaving, my parents refused to take me back in— as they were the ones who noticed my unique ability and enrolled me. They said that if I went back— they would reconsider and support me. 

I refused and learned to support myself. 

I took all and  _ any  _ jobs. My existence was work. 

It was easy to find odd jobs without any alignment. No job was too unethical or immoral, and if I began to think it was, my hunger would catch up to me. 

I collected, I learned, I acquired a ship and I made a name for myself. 

Then, something decided it was finally time to put me back on a path that I had been on before. 

~

“Sign here,” the stoic man dressed in black said, pointing to the bottom of the screen. I scribbled my finger and signed my name.

“Your contract is three months long, you will report to and take orders from the First Order strategy,” he said to me. 

“If you have any questions, just check the contract, it’s probably in there.” He said, closing everything up. 

I nodded and thanked him. We exited the office and I followed him up a level to a dormitory.

“This ship is the size of a city— so we have plenty of room here. You’ll sleep here and the cafeteria is just down the hall to the left,” the man said as I looked around the room. It was small, with just a single bed, dresser, and a small bedroom attached. The walls were white and uninviting. 

The man left and I flopped onto the bed, closing my eyes. I always had anxiety when starting a new job and my body did not like change. 

I took deep breaths and regulated my breathing. 

My assigned task involved a stealth attack on a ship that they had been hunting for a while now. I had the advantage of  _ not  _ having an obviously First Order fighter ship. 

Flashbacks of similar situations ran through my mind. My adrenaline always ran high and I seemed to forget to breathe in those moments. Everything always happened so quickly. 

My eyes opened as I realized I had just created more anxiety.

Maybe I could distract myself with a meal. 

~

The day finally came and miraculously, my anxiety faded as I prepared my fighter. My muscle memory kicked in as I did my pre-checks and put on my helmet.

My meeting in the morning with a commander had made it obvious that without extreme stealth, I likely wouldn’t succeed. My target was flighty and would likely be on alert. Despite this, he emphasized that the risk was at least low since they were non-confrontational. 

I started my ship and began my journey. I was thankful that intel wasn’t part of my task— all I needed to do was go to a location. 

I relaxed to the humming of the ship as it flew through empty space. 

My plan was to approach  _ painfully _ slowly. I knew I couldn’t come in too hot, they would run, and they would run fast. 

Instead, I could move slowly, almost like a cargo ship. They might create some distance— but if I could seem like I wasn’t a threat, it would be easier to move quickly without giving them a chance to escape. 

Finally, after an hour, I approached the general coordinates. I slowed down to a mind-numbingly slow speed and cruised towards the coordinates. 

Eventually, the ship appeared at the edge of my radar, just as planned. I adjusted my course and relaxed.

I gazed out the window as the ship slowly moved. My eyes glazed over the stars, scattered out in an array of different levels of brightness.

I let out an audible sigh. There was so much out there, I wanted to see it all, but I knew it was an impossible task. 

I glanced at my radar and noticed that I had closed a considerable distance between me and my target. 

In fact, I had closed a  _ lot _ more distance than I had expected. I expected them to keep their distance upon my approach. 

Maybe they hadn’t noticed, or didn’t care enough yet?

My eyes stayed glued to the radar as I watched it in awe. The space between us continued closing. 

I let out a slight laugh. These were going to be some easy credits. 

I kept my patience as the gap continued closing. My mind prepared for my attack. I kept my hands firmly on the yoke and took a deep breath as my plan ran through my head. 

_ Now. _

I engaged the throttle and accelerated and quickly as possible towards my target. 

I felt my adrenaline rise as the space between us closed even more. 

Then suddenly-- an unexpected visitor.

“ _ Shit!”  _ I exclaimed, watching as another blip appeared on the radar. They must have had a friend.

My stomach sank as I debated bailing. Clearly, somebody had missed a small detail. Both sides had hired mercenaries and I was on the offense. 

My time to make my decision came to a close as I saw the other mercenary in the distance. 

Instead, my instincts kicked in and I began shooting. 

They had the same idea. 

I jerked my yoke and took a sharp right away from my target.

_ Shit, shit, shit _ ,  _ shit! _

I pissed them off. Now they were out for  _ my _ blood. 

I accelerated and attempted a few maneuvers to get them off of me. I bit the top of my lip as the sounds of ammo flew past the ship. 

_ Great, now I've started something. I shouldn't have shot at them.  _

If they wanted a fight that bad— I was going to give it to them. 

I changed my strategy and slowed down quickly and suddenly. They did the same— but a split second later. Regaining my composure after the maneuver, I came in aggressively and quickly. 

I aimed and fired. The sounds of breaking metal pierced my ears. I held my breath as I waited until the very last moment to run again. 

Thankfully, my brief opening was enough to completely incapacitate their ship. 

My heart skipped a beat as it remembered my original target. 

They were gone. 

I let out a laugh of disbelief. Their shoddy intel had almost cost me my life and also caused me to royally fuck up my task. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said to myself, “ _ this _ is why nobody wants to take jobs for the Order.” 

If I had known that they had their own defense prepared, I would have been much more aggressive in my approach. 

I bit my lip in frustration, unsure of what to say to my employer. They would probably blame me for not carrying out my duties, no matter how much I argued. 

If they had not been so adamant about the non-confrontational part, I would be more forgiving.

My contract made me obligated to provide extra work to cover my assigned work— which was at worst annoying, but admittedly, their intel had made a bad impression.

“Can’t believe I’ve been working for a day and already want to quit,” I muttered to myself. 

* * *

I pondered my situation while flying back and had made up my mind by the time I arrived. 

I was going to throw a classic, childish tantrum. The ultimate ‘I want to speak to the manager’ tirade. Maybe I couldn’t get out of my contract, but I could at least get out of the extra work. 

As soon as I stepped off the ship I began the act. 

“ _ Unbelievable _ ,” I said loudly in the hangar, “I almost fucking died.” 

It was easy to make a scene since I  _ was  _ actually upset. 

I walked with purpose through the halls of the ship— wondering who I could terrorize.

The Bridge was probably a good place as any— there would be at least a few senior officers there and plenty of people to witness. 

I approached the Bridge and rolled my shoulders back, placing a confident but pissed expression on my face. 

I entered the room and took a quick glance around. A fairly large group was gathered around the center table and others sat at workstations. 

“ _Excuse me!_ ” I bellowed. 

The entire room turned their attention towards me. 

Startled, I opened my mouth to speak. 

_ Why are they looking at me like that?  _

“I need to speak with the most senior official on this ship,  _ right now,”  _ I continued, crossing my arms sternly. 

The piercing stares originally aimed towards me slowly moved towards the center of the room. 

I felt my confidence slipping. I expected to cause a scene and get some attention, but this was different. There's always somebody doing something more important than the commotion. The negative energy in the room grew by the second. 

A long, uncomfortable silence sat in the room. Nobody dared to move an inch. 

“The most senior official? Who do you think you are?” A tall figure in the middle of the room commanded. He was in full gear and looked ready to begin a duel. His cape flowed behind him and his voice was piercing and mechanical. 

I took off my helmet and stood assertively. 

“I’m a mercenary you hired that almost died due to the incompetence of your intel,” I frowned and held my helmet tightly. I was beyond nervous at this point. 

I felt a shift in the mood of the room, but couldn’t pinpoint what had changed. 

A silence that felt more intense than the last filled the room. 

The tall figure walked towards me. I stood my ground. 

“Come with me,” he said. I gulped. 

I had successfully made a scene, that was for sure. 

I followed him out of the room and down the hall. It was a brisk, short walk. We entered a large office. 

The doors closed behind us as we stood in the office silently. 

“What’s this about?” He asked me. 

I gripped my helmet tighter. 

“As I said, you hired me to take out a target that you had previously failed to take out yourselves. The commander I talked to this morning reassured me that they were simply evasive and non-confrontational,” I explained. 

“This was not true— in fact, they did not just fight back, but they also hired another skilled mercenary to defend them,” I finished, trying to read any reaction from him. It was impossible due to his stiff posture and helmet. If I could see his face, I could maybe tell. 

He said nothing.

“Anyway, I almost died because I took a stealthy approach instead of an aggressive one. The other mercenary had the upper hand. They were prepared for me and knew I was coming,” I became more exasperated. He wasn’t taking me seriously. 

“Do you know who I am?” He asked me in a modulated voice. I tilted my head slightly and laughed.

“I’m  _ assuming _ you're the most senior person on the ship,” I stated. 

“Correction— the most senior person in the Order,” he spat. My mouth went agape.

My mind panicked. He just had to snap his fingers and I could be gone in more ways than one. 

I felt my face flush as I realized my mistake.

“I— you’re saying you’re Kylo Ren?  _ The _ Kylo Ren?” I stammered. I needed to backtrack _fast._

“You know, it’s fine. I understand if it was just a mistake,” I tried to lessen the severity of the situation, “I’ll let it go and just continue with my contractual duties, sir.”

He said nothing. I felt my heartbeat increase and began a nervous sweat, wondering if he was going to spare me for embarrassing him in front of his inferiors. 

Instead of speaking, his hands slowly moved to his helmet. He removed it as I watched in confusion. 

He put it on the desk and then faced me. 

I wanted to let out an audible gasp, but I couldn’t. I held my hand up to my mouth, shaking slightly. 

“ _ Ben? _ ” I managed to squeak. 

My chest hurt. It had been so long and we had ended things so badly. I didn’t know what to say. 

I felt relief since I knew now that I would likely not be punished. But it was quickly overshadowed by shock and confusion. 

“I-I had no idea,” I muttered, “you were the last person I expected to be Kylo Ren.”

“A lot can change in a short time,” he said flatly, "you really don't watch the news, do you?"

I couldn’t take it. I had to get it off my chest. 

“Look, Ben—“ I started but was interrupted. 

“Don’t call me that. Call me Ren,” he stated.

I bit the inside of my cheek.

“ _ Ren _ , I just wanted to say that I’m sorry how we left things. It wasn’t how we should have left them.” I stepped towards him, also placing my helmet on the desk. 

He towered over me and his expression turned to pain. He looked disappointed. 

“What did I do wrong?” He said, his voice straining. 

It had been years, but I also didn’t know. All I knew at the time was that I couldn’t stay at the academy. I had to leave. 

“Something was pulling me away from that place. I had to go,” I said, not really answering his question. 

He shook his head.

“But I really did like you,” I said hastily.

“ _ You’re not answering my question.” _

I didn’t want to answer it. 

“You scared me,” I said. I grabbed my own arm nervously. “Which seems so silly now— considering I’m a hired merc who could probably put a good fight up against you.” 

I looked away from him, not wanting to see his expression. 

He lifted my face up towards him. His eyes were intense. 

“How long is your contract?” He asked me. I gulped. 

“It’s three months,” I replied. 

He smirked.

“From now on, you’ll be under me.” He said, putting his helmet back on and opening the door. 

“What?” I asked.

It was more of a statement than a question.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ben, I’m a strategic person, but I don’t think I’m _that_ strategic.” 

I couldn’t tell if the content of my sentence or the Ben slippage had annoyed him more. 

The day after my confrontation with Ren was uneventful, but things quickly began to pick up.

He seemed to imply that he wanted an assistant, and more specifically, an assistant for strategy. I recalled that he was never very strategic— but I couldn’t bring myself to make those kinds of decisions for him.

“Are you poor? What do you want? I’ll get it for you,” he said in response to my rejection to strategize. 

“Anything,” he reiterated. 

He was so serious now. He had barely smirked at me— much less given a smile. 

Was he bribing me?

“You’ve already given me a place to stay and food,” I smirked. 

“Do you want a new ship?” He said, essentially ignoring my response. 

I sighed.

“Never mind— whatever. I’ll do it,” I caved in.

“Great. Don’t worry, we’ll get you that ship and a new room,” he moved abruptly around the office. It was strange seeing him with so much responsibility. 

I smiled secretly to myself. 

Maybe the mercenary work was finally starting to pay off. 

* * *

Despite our involvement in the strategy, Ren didn’t hesitate to include us in the action as well. 

I still had plenty of opportunities to do the work that I expected to do as a pilot. 

If needed, I could do hand-to-hand combat, but we both realized that my piloting skills had advanced much further than my combat skills due to the work I was doing. 

“Do you still use your lightsaber?” Ren asked me, I held it awkwardly and activated it. He had pulled me into a training room to presumably see how bad I was at fighting.

“Only occasionally. I’m really not on the ground a lot,” I moved the lightsaber in a quick circle. 

Ren activated his as well and I froze in place. 

“That is  _ not  _ your lightsaber,” I said, staring at the unusual design. It crackled unnaturally and seemed like it could explode at any moment.

“I made it years ago after I left the academy, unlike all those other lightsabers at the academy,” he replied. I looked at mine, it was old and I had built it before becoming who I was now. Maybe mine would also be different now.

Before I could get too deep into that though, Ren lunged towards me, lightsaber in hand. I yelped and stepped back while also awkwardly getting into a defensive position. 

I didn’t have time to object, and before I knew it, we were sparring. 

Yeah, I  _ sucked _ . But I tried to not let it bring me down too much, as I knew I could redeem myself behind a yoke later. 

I struggled to keep up, but managed to get in a few moves. 

Ultimately, I found myself falling to the floor. I deactivated my lightsaber and put my hands up in defeat. 

“You got me. I admit it, you’re better than me.  _ Now _ let’s make our way to the hangar so I can actually show you what I can do,” I smiled and picked myself up off the floor.

“Can’t— we have to finish our work before tomorrow,” Ren said, also putting his lightsaber away and walking towards the exit.

“Come on, it’s not even noon! We have plenty of time,” I whined, but still followed him. 

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me. My stomach dropped. He gave me a look I had never seen from him. 

I dropped it and followed him back to the office. 

* * *

I became more reserved over the next few days. It had become clear that the Ben I knew in the academy was not Kylo Ren. He was dark and unemotional. 

Ben hadn’t been the happiest person either, but he at least had the wit. 

My mind flashed to the last smile he had given me at the academy before I had left. I realized now that even that was a rare sight when we were younger. 

I wondered what he thought.

~ 

_ shifting perspectives  _

I thought my heart might stop when I saw her take off that helmet while we were on the bridge. 

Why won’t ghosts from my past stop coming to visit? 

As soon as I saw her face I remembered our last interaction. 

The previous night, I finally convinced her to come to my hut. We had sex, and I knew I didn’t do it right-- but I had a strange realization. 

I loved this girl.

That’s why it felt like knives in my back when she turned away from me the next day. 

Then she was gone.

~ 

The days after our sparring match I noticed that she had been less enthusiastic than usual. Her mood had mellowed, and she went through the motions while helping me with the Order’s strategies. 

I would be the first to admit that it was mind-numbing work that involved meticulously combing through the current strategy and then the available intel to make an informed decision. 

I figured having another person to do it with me would have made it better, but it seemed to be backfiring. 

“Did you finish updating the Outer Rim file?” I asked her one day as we sat in my office. 

She just nodded her head. 

“Yeah, it’s done,” she replied, not looking up once. 

“I think you should look it over again,” I said, also going back to my work. 

I saw her out of the corner of my eye finally raise her head up.

“What? Why?” She asked, clearly insulted. 

“I think you missed a few details,” I said flatly. 

Her thoughts were loud. 

I heard her stand up abruptly and loudly close the other file she had been working on. 

“No, I think this is personal. What the hell is wrong with you?” She snapped, “I agreed to this because I knew we were good friends and worked well together, a job is a job, but you’re so condescending now.” 

I closed my file as well and glanced at her expression. 

My mind wandered as my eyes followed the outline of her figure. It was just how I remembered and imagined it.

God, what I would do if I could just fuck her again. 

“Okay, I’m going to take a walk or something,” she said, snapping me out of my own thoughts. She began to gather her things. 

Without thinking, I stood up and placed myself between her and the door before she could leave. 

“Y/n--” I began, unsure of what I wanted to say. I just didn’t want her to leave. 

Maybe it was best to be straightforward with her.

She looked at me intensely, her eyes begging me to continue my sentence. 

Instead, I stepped forward and kissed her deeply, tugging her by the waist closer to me. Her lips were just as soft as I remembered, and felt so familiar. 

She was the first to break the kiss and gave me an unsure look. 

“Okay, now I  _ really _ need to go take a walk,” she said, her face flushed. She tried to move away from me but I just pulled her closer. 

Despite the invasiveness-- I probed her mind to find what she really wanted. Her eyes widened as she realized what I was doing. 

She was lying through her teeth-- she wanted me just as much but she was hiding it. 

“Why are you lying about what you want?” I asked her and placed my thumb gently on her bottom lip. 

“If we’re talking semantics, I said I  _ need _ to go take a walk, not  _ want _ to take a walk,” she grumbled and moved my hand away. 

I probed again, this time deeper. I smiled to myself. 

Her mind was  _ surprisingly  _ explicit. 

~

_ And back again _

I froze at his genuine smile towards me but blushed even harder than I had before. I didn’t want to admit my thoughts when I had initially seen him on the bridge and I  _ definitely _ did not want to admit my thoughts when I saw him remove his helmet. 

_ Fuck _ , I thought. This was moving faster than I had anticipated. It was probably only natural that we would share at least one kiss just for old-times-sake, but now he knew exactly what I wanted. 

I gulped. Resistance was futile. 

He kissed me again, even more passionately than last time now that he knew what was on my mind. 

I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pushed my back against the nearby wall. A feeling started to swell in my stomach as he pressed against me. 

He was right, this  _ was _ what I wanted, despite the awkwardness that had initially been between us.

He broke our kiss to take a moment and look at me. 

“You probably already know how I like it, but I don’t want to scare you away this time,” he said to me, desperation in his voice. 

My mind thought about our one encounter where he had held my neck tightly for his own pleasure. I didn’t have the guts to tell him that I thought about that moment quite a lot when I was alone. 

But I didn’t need to tell him. 

He practically dragged me over to the desk where we had been working and lifted me up so that I was sitting. 

We continued our passionate kiss as his hands travelled over my thighs, gripping me and pulling me closer. He separated my legs and pressed against me so that I could feel his dick through our clothes. My arousal stirred as one of his hands travelled up gradually to my neck and caressed it. 

“Don’t lie to me anymore-- tell me what you want,” he whispered to me. 

I felt my face turning red and my mouth drying. 

“P-please fuck me and do whatever you want to me,” I moaned. 

I couldn’t believe I had uttered such a thing. But Ren clearly liked it. 

He peeled off my clothes and his own as well in a hurry. 

I gasped when the first thing I felt inside me wasn’t his dick, but rather his fingers. He pressed on my clit gently and moved sensually. 

I laid back on the desk completely, rolling my hips and swallowed by the pleasure of him forcing his fingers inside of me. 

Then, he removed his fingers but the pressure on my clit remained. I looked at him with confusion— was he incorporating the Force?

I realized I didn’t care and continued to enjoy the pressure. It made Ren shoving his member in my face more pleasurable.

He shoved his dick into my mouth and moved in and out, groaning in pleasure.

“You’re all mine now— nobody else’s,” he groaned, grabbing my neck with roughness. 

I felt my own wetness forming as he gripped my neck and miraculously fondled my clit. 

With another brash move, he stopped everything and flipped me over to my stomach. I used my elbows to support me. 

He spread my legs and gave no warning as he began to fuck me. My back arched as he tugged at my hair and began to roll his hips. 

“You whore— you’re already soaking wet,” he said, tugging at my hair harder. 

He put the Force to work again by choking me lightly from afar. Not enough to stop my breathing, but enough to make it harder to breathe. 

“Someone needs to put you in your place,” he continued. “I knew I had to punish you for fucking up that mission,” he moaned and slapped my ass  _ hard _ . 

I yelped and felt the sting instantly. 

He increased his speed and smacked my ass again. I yelped again this time but also let out a loud moan. He instantly put his hand over my mouth and choked me harder. 

“ _ Shut up and take it,”  _ he whispered into my ear, increasing pressure on my clit at the same time to get a rise out of me.

I moaned through his hand as he fucked me even harder, aroused by my pleasure. 

“Fuck—“ he said, close to a climax and his hand pressed firmly against my mouth. He leaned in close and groaned loudly into my ear. 

“I love you— I fucking love you,” he said before cumming inside of me and moving both of his hands to squeeze my waist tightly. 

I took a deep breath and collapsed onto the desk fully, just enjoying the waves of pleasure that were coming over me.

I sat up and sat on the desk facing Ren. 

He grabbed my face and kissed me again passionately. 

“I needed to tell you before it was too late again,” he said. 

I looked at him, concerned. 

“Again?” I inquired. 

“I should have told you before you left the academy,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. His body was warm but also cooled by his sweat. 

“I-I love you too,” I said quietly and closed my eyes. 

Was this really real life? 

* * *

It felt like I had jumped over a huge hurdle and also had a weight lifted off my shoulder. Any tension between Ren and I had disappeared. 

It felt like I had finally closed a chapter that had been open far too long— and had the benefit of plenty of sex. 

I also managed to acclimate to living on the ship— my previous dramatized scene caused plenty of people to strike up conversations with me. 

“Y/n, I noticed you’re starting to talk with other people in the ship. You can’t tell them about us,” Ren told me one day while we lounged on his bed in his room. 

“Honestly, I had assumed that, but why?” I asked him.

“They’ll kick you off the ship, you’re just a contractor without any allegiance,” he continued. I laughed. 

“I thought you were the most ‘senior official’?” I said, rolling onto my stomach and clutching the pillow closely. 

His expression turned sour.

“2nd most senior official,” he remarked. 

My brows furrowed. I really knew nothing about the specifics of the people I worked for— just how to get a job with them. 

“Snoke is the Supreme Leader, I report to him,” Ren said. 

I gulped. I was a distraction, technically. So it would make sense why our relationship should stay secret. 

I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers. He squeezed my hand. 

“It’ll be different soon, I promise,” he said. “We’ve waited 10 years for this— what’s a bit more time?” 

His statement caused my mind to wander. I couldn’t seem to fill in the blanks for our relationship past three months.

After my contract was over, what would happen? Would they just renew it? Would Ren be able to get me a new, permanent position? 

Could I handle just being eye candy, if needed? 

I tried not to think too much into it and just placed myself on Ren’s chest. I closed my eyes and basked in the peace I felt next to him.

* * *

Once I had helped Ren enough, he had to come up with an explanation on why I could no longer be assigned the usual mercenary tasks.

That was easier said than done and compromises had to be made.

“But— sir, she’s a contractor and not part of the Order. We can’t have somebody like that helping with our strategy. She’d be a walking disaster waiting to happen once she finishes her 3 months,” Colonel Datoo said to Ren as we stood in his office. 

He eyed me with confusion and I could tell he was uncomfortable telling Ren such a thing when I was standing right there.

I spoke first, to try and ease the awkwardness of the situation. 

“It’s alright— I’m sorry. I should have never offered my services. It’s a skill of mine but I understand the conflict of interest,” I told the Colonel. Ren said nothing. 

“We can give you more important jobs— but nothing confidential,” the Colonel continued. 

I left the office as Ren and the Colonel continued their conversation privately. 

I leaned against the wall and Ren came out of the office 5 minutes later. 

“You’ll be staying on the ship and taking orders from Hux, but I’ll have to leave,” Ren told me. 

I nodded. Unsure of who he was talking about— but knew that I was at least established as someone that Ren had his eye on. 

That may have been more of a curse than a blessing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a different niche of smut towards the bottom :)... but maybe you’ll like it too!

“This is the battalion you’ll be going with, they will leave tomorrow to carry out the assignment,” General Hux said to me in the Bridge first thing in the morning. He seemed annoyed— even though I had just met him.

Ren had left for a separate duty, and I had resumed regular mercenary activities.

I nodded and took some notes of my own. I stood up prim and proper, ready to be a model merc.

“And y/n, this is not a Kylo Ren playdate extravaganza. I know how Ren is sometimes— it’s nothing new— but please remember you are  _ our  _ employee,” Hux rattled on. 

I squinted my eyes at him— trying to process the undertones of what he had just said.

“Uh— excuse me? Playdate?” I asked him.

He sighed audibly and looked around the room. 

“Sexual releases,” Hux said under his breath. 

I blinked at him. That’s what they assumed happened? 

“I’m sorry— was this something someone else told you?” I tried to keep my composure despite the obvious fact that Hux was now annoyed. His whispering made it clear that he did not want to continue the topic. 

“Fucking hell…why do I even mention it,” Hux mumbled. “Ren has sex with multiple girls around here every month. You’re part of the statistic, not the exception.

I frowned at him, trying my best to resist the urge to tell him that I _ was _ the exception.

I kept my mouth shut. Hux must have sensed it as hurt. 

“Look, I do feel bad for all of you, but it’s better to know sooner than later. That’s what he’s probably doing right now since he left the ship,” Hux continued  _ still. _

_ Fucking hell, Hux, curiosity killed the cat,  _ I thought to myself.

“What’s her name…” Hux tapped his finger on the table in thought. 

“It’s really—“ I started to speak.

“ _ Leontia—  _ that’s it. That’s her name,” Hux spar. “He gets around on the ship but she’s really the closest to him. She is a high ranking officer too.” 

I frowned at him. I didn’t need something to worry about, but he just gave me  _ multiple  _ reasons to have anxiety. 

“Thanks. I’ll keep that all in mind.” I said through gritted teeth. 

“No problem— sorry we didn’t warn you earlier.” 

~

I couldn’t sleep that night. I knew that what Hux had said wasn’t really applicable to me, but an endless stream of what-ifs went through my head.

_ What if I am really just a side piece? Maybe he went to break things off? Maybe he knew I could never take her place, so it was easy to keep us both? _

_ Fuck, should I be worried about diseases?  _

Frustrated, I pressed my pillow to my face to muffle my own scream. 

_ Would it be insane to try and call him? _

I put all my thoughts out of my head and tried to focus on my task for tomorrow. 

_ Tomorrow will be war, real war. You need to have energy for it, it’s more important than Ren.  _

I repeated a word in my head to focus my attention. 

_ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. _

* * *

I was well rested for the next day, but still anxious as I prepared my ship in the hangar. 

My old ship that I knew well sat next to the brand new one that Ren had promised me. It was an impressive ship, but I felt uneasy using it in action since I had not flown it. 

I patted its wing. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get to you. Just not today.”

I put on my helmet and started my old fighter. I felt safe—  _ this  _ is what I knew well.

No Ren, Hux, or Leontia. Just me and the sky. 

I began my flight and enjoyed cruising around before heading to the planet that the battalion was heading to. 

I made sure to leave early and take it easy while getting there. 

Halfway there, I stopped the fighter and gazed out the window. It was a simple. but riveting activity. Nothing could halt my imagination as I stared into the sky.

Once I saw that everyone else was coming, I made sure to stay ahead. 

Sure enough, I approached the planet first. I felt bad, since my presence didn’t even give them a warning sign of what was to come.

The Order was engaging in colonization, essentially. The Resistance knew they were coming and had been defending the place, but it wasn’t going to stop them from trying to turn the planet into their own.

The only thing stopping them from just blowing it up was of course— resources. 

I began my descent into the atmosphere but admired the lush green-ness of the planet from far above. It was likely sub-tropical. 

Once I lowered onto the planet more, I began to curse under my breath. There was fog in the battle area— and there was a  _ lot _ of it. 

My fighter was versatile, and able to be used on or off planets— but this was extreme.

I lowered myself slowly through the fog, steering clear of any trees. 

I landed in a clear area and got out of the ship. 

You could not see  _ anything _ . Visibility had to be less than 3 feet. 

I panicked slightly, stressed again by the unexpected hurdle. 

I got back on my ship anyway and took off. 

I joined the rest of the group and began to listen for any and all orders. 

“ _ FF-11-2, prepare to begin the attack. Resistance ships will be flying and attempting to shoot down any First Order fighters,” _ a voice said over my radio. 

I sat back in my seat. The Resistance probably knew of the fog situation, didn’t they? They were already down there. They wouldn’t dare try to fly, would they? 

Would I dare to?

I gulped. The conditions were terrible. This was a suicide mission. 

I shook away any doubt. 

_ I’ll just fly in and land, and do my best to assist from low ground, _ I said to myself confidently. 

Everyone else went in before me, and I followed behind. 

They wasted no time in beginning the battle. I heard plenty of lasers while lowering down into the fog 

I tried to be gentle— but I was nervous. Bright, flashing lights shone through the fog in the distance. 

I sped up a bit to try and find a good spot. 

I looked down towards the ground to find a meadow. 

Then I looked up. 

I gasped and my reflexes kicked in, attempting to turn the ship all the way to the left. 

Despite this attempt, I felt the collision and the sound of grinding metal rang through my ears.

I screamed as gravity pushed against the ship, sending it spiraling to the ground. 

All I saw before turning was orange. I saw the pilot right before it happened. I felt their fear too. 

My ship crashed and skidded on the ground. I coughed as a variety of unpleasant gasses from the fluids filled my lungs. 

My head hurt. My lungs hurt. But at the same time, everything was numb.

Focusing on saving my life, I opened the door and did my best to roll out and away from the ship. I managed to get about 10 feet away from the ship before my body objected and stopped on my back. 

I took deep breaths, trying to get in fresh air. I pulled my helmet off my head and tossed it to the side. My lungs coughed wildly, trying to expel the gasses from the ship. 

I was lucky— really lucky. I realized that the other pilot had probably had the same reaction as me— but in the opposite direction. Instead of colliding right into each other we likely only clipped wings. 

I tried to keep my eyes open and focus on my surroundings. The fog was still thick and I could only see my ship nearby and a few trees. 

I wanted to yell out to the other pilot, but sound refused to come out of my throat. 

I touched near my right thigh and then brought my hand back up. It interpreted red.

_ Great,  _ I thought,  _ I have a concussion and a bodily wound. _

My mind wanted to move badly, but my body refused. 

I gripped the grass below me, frustrated. 

I had only done a similar mission like this once before. It was similar in that it was a wartime job, but after a close call I had decided to quit the next day. 

_ Stupid, stupid. I should have quit after my first job. Now my ship is destroyed and I almost am too.  _

I placed my forearm on top of my eyes and blocked all light. Moisture began to form in my eyes and I lightly sobbed. 

_ I’m so privileged, I chose to do this but the other pilot didn’t. The Resistance pilot was just trying to protect the place.  _

I laid on the grass for what felt like an eternity, putting my hand on my wound to keep pressure. I checked occasionally for blood— and it seemed to never stop.

Eventually, it felt like my eyes decided to flutter to a close on their own. I had no control. 

I knew I fell into a sleep. 

* * *

I knew the smell that roused me from my sleep again. It was floral and aromatic. 

My eyes opened and I sat up quickly, realizing what had happened. 

I looked around the room I was in. It was small and seemed self contained. It was somebody’s home.

I touched my thigh. A bandage covered it. 

The front door creaked slightly and I jumped. A very old woman strolled through the door. Jumping as well when she saw me.

“Awake already?” She exclaimed and rushed towards me. 

“You should rest more— you can’t move your leg yet,” she gathered the tea from the stove and poured it into two cups. 

“What happened?” I asked, trying to recall it myself. I knew I had crashed my plane, and collided with a Resistance fighter. 

“I found you near a downed plane and could not believe a girl your age was out there, and so badly hurt. I got some of the Resistance fighters to carry you into here so I could help you, since you didn’t seem to be one yourself.” She said, handing me a cup of the tea. 

“You seemed rattled and the wound on your thigh was very deep. Likely from your ship,” she continued. 

I held the warm tea in my hands and looked down. I felt guilty. She shouldn’t have helped me.

“Thank you,” was all I said. I attempted to move my leg and felt a bit of pain. 

I panicked. I couldn’t stay here for a variety of reasons. I hoped that the other pilot was okay, and that there were minimal casualties.

I drank my tea quickly.

“I know I shouldn’t move— but do you have a stick I could maybe borrow? I need to leave,” I said, hurried.

She just looked at me in shock.

“You can’t! Your wound was halfway through your thigh,” she exclaimed. 

I couldn’t stay here. I knew that the Order might come back, or worst case, Ren could arrive and mess things up himself. They didn’t deserve this, none of them did. I had to stop them and tell him to call off the attacks. 

I grabbed the older woman’s hand and gripped it tightly. 

“Please,  _ please.  _ I can’t stay here,” I pleaded with her, “but I promise I’ll pay you back.” 

Her look softened as she seemed to understand. 

“You don’t need to pay me anything,” she said. Grabbing something for me to balance myself on. 

I made it to the door, in pain, but I made it.

“I’m sorry— but for both of our sakes, let’s not exchange names, and I’ll have to go alone,” I told her at the door, right before leaving.

I felt bad for rushing— but I knew I couldn’t relax there. I was a danger to have around.

I asked her for the general direction that my ship was in, and hobbled off towards it. 

My leg felt like it was on fire by the time I made it to my ship. The gasses were still pungent, but I opened it up and grabbed the component I needed.

A First Order beacon that they had added to my ship. 

I gave my ship one last look and wasted no time in distancing myself from the town. 

The sun shone in my eyes brightly, an intense gold as the sun rose. 

Eventually, my body again gave out and I stopped under a tree, collapsing to the ground. 

I prayed that nothing would happen to the village and that the woman who had helped me was safe. 

Eventually the sun came up completely and I became warm. 

Hours melted into the air as I focused on reducing the pain from my leg. 

_ Escape, escape. Slowly, slowly.  _

_ Drowning, drowning. Goodbye, goodbye.  _

A loud sound woke me from this state and I hazily woke up to find the source. 

My eyes focused on an object in the sky. It lowered slowly nearby onto the ground. 

It was  _ my  _ ship. 

Well, my new one. 

From the distance I saw a figure exit it. It was dark and faceless. 

It was only as he came closer that I recognized him. He rushed as soon as he realized who I was. 

He fell to the ground on his knees, pulled his helmet off and tossed it to the ground.

I felt his hand lightly tap my cheek, and my name come out of his mouth. I still felt myself in a daze.

“Y/n, y/n, can you hear me?” He said, his voice shaking. 

“ _ Shit,”  _ I heard him mutter. 

Ren carefully slid his arms under me to lift me up. 

The next thing I felt was cold water on my face. 

I gasped loudly, woken up. 

Ren gave a sigh of relief. 

“I’m taking you back now to get you help— just hang in there, ok?” He said. 

“Call it off—“ I croaked. He eyed me, concerned.

“I’m not letting you die, if that’s what you’re saying,” he said, starting the ship. 

I couldn’t explain myself. I wasn’t well enough. 

Warm tears started to roll down my cheeks. 

* * *

When I finally woke up again, I finally felt normal. 

I was in a large, white room by myself. It looked like a medical room. 

Everything began to come back to me. 

Just in time, Ren walked into the room, wearing more casual clothes than usual. His eyes lit up once he saw me. 

“Lay down,” he said, coming over and pushing me back into the bed. 

“Ren, listen to me. Stop everything the Order is doing on that planet,” I said to him, “they saved my life, the people there.”

He looked at me, his eyes blank. Almost as if he didn’t understand. 

“There were no survivors for that battle, y/n,” he started. “We’re not there anymore anyway.” 

I sighed with relief. 

“Don’t go back, please.” I said, my conscience coming over me. 

Ren said nothing, his expression stoic. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked him. 

“Nothing,” he lied. 

I furrowed my brows. Something was up. 

“I destroyed the entire Bridge, communications after Hux told me where you had been sent,” he said, looking past me. 

“I was sure you were dead after Hux told me that he sent you on that job,” his tone was flat. 

“I’m sorry.” 

It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know. Admittedly, I had some responsibility for my own safety. I also should have never tried to fly in the fog. 

I grabbed his hand.

“Don’t apologize,” I smiled at him.

* * *

Ren kept me on my toes, encouraging me to get better by promising me a ‘surprise’. 

I had plenty of things to think about while recovering. What Hux had said before I left, the specifics of my job and what I was doing, and my poor, now gone, fighter. 

This helped pass the time, along with Ren visiting occasionally, but I did feel lonely. I had a few visitors that I had met in the dormitories, but I just felt the most comfortable inside my head.

Three weeks after the incident, I was healed and ready to get back to work.

Ren let me know that it was time for my gift as well. 

“You’re making  _ me  _ fly to my own gift?” I asked him while we stood in the hangar, preparing to leave. 

“It’s important,” he replied, putting coordinates into the ship before I took over. 

I loved flying, but after crashing I was a bit anxious. Ren reassured me that he could back me up if needed, but that I should give it a shot. 

I obliged, and quickly discovered that it was not as bad as I thought.

“Just a mental roadblock,” Ren remarked. 

We flew an hour to an area that I had never been before and saw a mostly blue planet in the distance. 

“Is this where we’re going?” I pointed to the planet in the distance. Ren nodded. He instructed me to go to another set of coordinates on the planet itself.

I carefully landed on the planet. The area was wooded and just as green as the last planet I had been on. However, this time it wasn’t tropical, but more temperate. 

We hopped out of the ship and Ren walked us 10 minutes north. 

Once it appeared in my view, I stood, frozen. 

“ _ That’s _ where we’re going?” I asked him.

The structure stood at the top of a large, rocky hull. Walls lined the hill and the main structure stood tall— with an elegant arched roof and numerous towers surrounding it.

It was made of light grey-beige stone that stood tall among the blue ocean and the green hills that followed it. 

Ren nodded and grabbed my hand. 

“It’s yours now,” he said. I laughed. 

“Please— somebody probably lives there and owns everything here.” I said.

“Yeah, I do. I’m not joking,” Ren said flatly. 

He  _ was  _ serious. 

“It’s just another place left behind by war,” Ren said, “that I didn’t cause— before you say anything.”

He read my mind.

We walked up the hill, and crossed over a few bridges to get up to the castle. It was even bigger up close than down below. Large doors stood at the entrance of the castle-like structure. 

We walked around the back to look at the sea that bordered the hill from afar.

I bit my lip, a question swelling in my chest that I knew needed to get out. A warm, salty breeze from the sea tangled through my hair and dried my lips. 

“Ren, I need to ask you something,” I said as we leaned against the stone wall separating us and the hill. 

“Before I left for the mission Hux uh… didn’t seem to have a filter,” I began, unsure how to continue.

“He made it seem like you slept around a lot, and I wouldn’t care otherwise, but since we have also, it kind of affects me…” I said, trailing off. I didn’t know where our line was. We had exchanged I love you’s, but it felt like they were for the past, not the present. 

Ren sighed. My stomach twisted.

“He probably did it on purpose. But he’s right, I was… prolific.” He said, looking across the sea. 

“But you’re the only one I’ve been with since you made your grand entrance,” his eyes were genuine. 

“Right… he also mentioned a Leontia,” I mentioned. This caused his expression to change and he seemed to become flustered. 

“Right,” was all he muttered. I looked at him for an explanation.

“Right?” I probed. 

“I’ve known her for a long time and we used to be in a serious relationship, but just recently she became a bit hot-headed and became a deserter. I had to try and convince her to come back, since she took a significant portion of her troops with her,” he explained. “It’s caused us to have more losses.” 

I nodded, listening and processing. It sounded very political.

“Y/n,” Ren started. “Have you thought about being loyal to the First Order?” He stepped towards me, grabbing my hand. 

“I could convince them to start you as a high-ranking officer. You wouldn’t have to do missions like the one that hurt you,” Ren said, a tinge of hope in his voice. I looked at him sadly. 

“I didn’t leave the Jedi Academy because I wanted to go in the opposite direction— I left because I didn’t want to be tethered anywhere,” I said. 

“There’s nothing I can say to convince you? Nothing I can do?” Ren asked, 

I glanced at the castle towering over us and then at the adjacent sea. I shook my head. 

“My freedom can’t be bought, not for more than three months at a time, at least,” I said sadly. 

I wasn’t sure why it mattered so much to him, but after explaining myself, his mood shifted. He seemed genuinely sad.

Instead of saying anything he kissed me softly and wrapped me in an embrace.

“What’s wrong? Why does it matter?” I asked him, afraid. 

“Don’t worry about it. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to,” he dropped the subject and pulled me into the castle. 

I forgot everything about the First Order as we entered the castle. Light poured into the tall foyer and lit up the meticulously decorated entrance.

We walked through the place in elation— numerous questions sitting on the back of my mind.

Ren took me up to the tallest level that contained a giant bedroom. I walked to the window and watched the sea glimmer and the sun barely touch the horizon. 

“We can just stay here tonight,” Ren said. 

I looked at him, surprised. 

“But— you even said earlier that the Order was struggling. Shouldn’t you be there to help out?” I asked him. He shook his head.

“I don’t want to,” he said flatly, “I hate being there.”

He stood inches away from me and traced my jaw with his hand. He pulled me into a deep kiss and grabbed my hips firmly. 

My mind couldn’t comprehend how, just a month ago I had been barely getting by, and now standing in  _ my _ castle kissing the most politically influential man in the galaxy. 

I pulled away from our kiss briefly to wipe a few stray tears that had left my eyes.

“What is it?” Ren asked me— searching my face for answers. 

“No— I’m not sad, just overwhelmed. But in a good way,” I tried to reassure him. “Things have just changed so much.”

“I’ll be here, no matter what,” Ren commented. 

We both fell onto the bed at the same time, exhausted from  _ everything _ .

Before I had a chance to say anything, Ren grabbed my ass and climbed over me to give me forceful kisses. 

His breathing was heavy, and his face was already flushed.

“I knew I couldn’t touch you while you healed,” he said in a low voice, “and I couldn’t betray your trust.”

“But now I can have my way with you again—“ he said, stripping my clothes off of me without another word, leaving just my underwear

He placed kisses all over my body and grabbed both of my wrists— locking them in place above my head. 

“Tell me you’re mine, and only mine,” he said, placing kisses on my neck. 

I had been thinking about it too while recovering— especially with what Hux said. I wondered how he had made all those other girls feel, and how they had made  _ him _ feel.

”I’m all yours,” I whispered.

I could feel my thoughts oozing from me and tried to hide them. 

“I saw that thought— did it really turn you on? Imagining me fucking all those other women?” He asked me, I blushed. It helped that I didn’t have to verbally confirm anything. I just had to reply for his own pleasure.

He slipped his hand under my underwear and gently touched my clit, I pressed into his hand, already letting my imagination run.

“I knew it. You want to hear all about it and how they made me cum…” He whispered. 

“P-please,” I moaned, “fuck me and hurt me— tell me.”

Before I knew it, he had bound my wrists to the elegant headboard of the bed and blindfolded my eyes by repurposing our clothes. 

He continued to slowly rub my clit and made his way slowly down my body. He kissed my nipples gently and then gently blew on them. I gasped upon feeling the cold air.

“Just a few months ago we got a new crew member— she had the perfect body and long, beautiful blonde hair. She always wore these tight pants, her ass was  _ perfect. _ Her chest was huge too. She had that perfect, small waist,” Ren began to describe. 

“She was easy, one day we were in the command room alone and she caught me staring at her ass— I was already hard,” he continued. I felt myself getting wetter as he told his story. He sensed this too and put two fingers inside of me. His fingers were so long, and I moaned as he stimulated every part of my lower half. 

“I bent her over the desk she worked at and we didn’t even undress,” Ren said, “fuck… remembering this is…”

I was surprised once I suddenly felt him enter me. He moaned loudly and moved my legs so that they were partially to the side. 

“It was a great view fucking her from behind— she felt so good,” Ren said, speaking slower than before. He lightly smacked my cheek.

“Dirty girl— I can tell you were getting turned on by that,” he said, pounding into me and gripping my legs. 

I was lost in my own head and own pleasure. He described it exactly how I had imagined in my own head. 

I clenched my hands into a fist, enjoying having no control over what he was doing.

Before I knew it— we both climaxed and collapsed. Ren removed my blindfold and makeshift cuffs from my wrists.

He kissed me sweetly after releasing me and I kissed him back. 

“Even when thinking about that girl— I couldn’t help but stop and look at you,” he said.

“What happened to her anyway?” I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

“She was on a ship that went down— her and a lot of others,” he recounted. 

I looked at him, aghast. The Order really does  _ not  _ value human lives, not even their own. 

We kept chatting and enjoyed simply laying in each other's arms in a spooning position. 

He wrapped his arms around me from behind, I closed my eyes. It felt like nothing could hurt me.

...And yet, these things are always hidden in plain sight.


End file.
